“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”—Steve Maraboli
It can hurt to cut ties with someone that we were close too—even loved at one time. But now, the relationship has gone south for every reason under the sun. The fruit has rotted beyond saving. Yet we are still holding on, as if the rotten piece of fruit will somehow magically reconstitute itself as fresh and good to eat.
To cling at this point to the decayed relationship can only bring suffering for both partners—the suffering of lies, denial and a general evasion of the truth. So, let’s look at the small immediate hurt of taking an axe to the rope now, rather than extending our bondage into a dis-eased future.
Ironically, we often extend decayed relationships because we are being delusionally “nice.” We worry that we are going to needlessly offend or hurt the other person. Better to just let things slide… Perhaps they will just get the hint—and drop off the vine. We came to realize, though, once we entered recovery, that the gentle let down can simply prolong the pain. And other folk are far more resilient than we often give them credit for. A more respectful approach can often be an amicable chopping of the ties that bind.
In our using days we formed all kinds of ill-fated and toxic relationships. These relationships would hang around us like a miasmic cloud. Getting clean has been a process of washing away the root causes of that unfortunate mist. We handle this at the speed that is safe for us to manage without plunging into counterproductive stress. The good news is that the more we act to clean, the more easily the cleansing unfolds.
Let’s take a moment now to contemplate a relationship that may have overstayed its welcome. Are we ready to invite the guest to leave—with grace and no hard feelings?
“Shaking out the spirits” is a good way to prime the release from a toxic relationship.
Here’s what to do:
Stand in a relaxed posture. Close your eyes. Feel your body for a minute, scanning yourself with your attention from top to toe. As the mood takes you, start to shake your hands, then your arms, then your shoulders, then your torso, then your hips then your legs. Let your head gyrate and bobble of its own accord. There’s no right away, just keep shaking and shaking and shaking some more…
Continue for a few minutes, ten minutes, or even longer—until you feel complete.
I feel a lightness of being as I release from the bonds that hold me down.