“Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness.”—Euripides
How many really good friends do we have—of either gender—that we feel we could count on in a pinch, a bind or something far, far worse? Who would have our back and who would be happy to throw us under the bus when the chips started to fly? For good reason, in all cultures, strong friendship is revered—because when it comes down to it, abiding friendship and loyalty can be all too rare.
We are speaking here of unconditional friendship—the kind of friendship that transcends the need for ego-strokes, superficial niceties and thin-iced acts of kindness.
Friendships were won or lost on the battlefield of our addiction. Usually lost. After extended periods of chemical abuse, we’d be lucky to be able to count to three fingers when listing those who we retained as true friends. Because—while the true test of deep friendship is to hang in there whatever the shenanigans being perpetrated—we can all handle only so much disappointment and inflicted pain.
In recovery, we learned to distinguish better between our true and our false friends. Between safe friendships and risky friendships. We had to become more positively discriminating in whom we chose to be our friends and whom we needed to cut loose. To still hang with some of our former using buddies could be the equivalent of hanging out in bars. Why play Russian roulette with our sobriety for the sake of some nostalgic—or vicarious—entertainment? Better the brief pain of staying away to the extended pain of a relapse…
Let’s take a moment today then, to look at the state of our current friendships. Who can we count on and feel blessed to have in our lives? Could there be anyone who our gut is warning us to stay away from, despite certain attractions to do otherwise?
Friendship reveals itself in action, but it resides in the heart. So, with the intention to boost our capability for deep friendship, let’s exercise our heart-love muscle with just our breath and our attention:
Sit or lie comfortably. Inhale slowly and put your attention in your heart area. Exhale and reinforce the heart further with your attention. Pause your breath a few moments and feel the glow of your heart. Do a total of twenty to thirty cycles until you feel gently complete.
I breathe into my heart, I listen to its beat, I attend to its beauty and I strengthen its capacity to love others through abiding friendship.