“Shame is a soul-eating emotion.”—C. J. Jung
We feel guilty when we have done something we know is wrong. We crossed the line. We transgressed. Guilt can be the helpful signaling system that pushes us to correct the errors of our ways. Guilt can lubricate social friction and is beneficial in moderation—like most of the edgier emotions. Guilt is a good self-corrective course setter, to help us navigate our commitments in a responsible manner.
Shame, though, is another kettle of fish altogether… Shame strikes at the core of our being. It lessens us, derides us and would that we were dead. And shame brings out the worst in the bully, the predator and those who would bay with the hounds of the witch hunt. Shame can be enormously destructive. Enormously. There’s clearly a species-survival mechanism in place here—with a signal that warns us that we are “bad” to the core. “If you go on being this kind of a person, you endanger our tribe. Shape up or we’ll ship you out.” However, the cost-benefit ratio of this survival mechanism looks horribly skewed in practice, does it not?
Those of us in recovery are all too aware of shame’s power. After all, shame took the mother of all wrecking balls to our self-esteem, our dignity—our very essence. Some of us became not much more than shallow specters of our former selves, haunted by self-loathing and despair. We allowed shame to saturate our interior landscape—often freezing us into inaction for fear of being further shamed…
In recovery, we learned that the disease of our addiction had instigated much of our shame-causing insanities. We learned to take responsibility for our past aberrations, without wallowing in the associated shame-orama. As we stitched up the rags of our tattered psyches, we learned to be gentler and more forgiving of ourselves.
Sometimes, though, some event, thought, remark, slight, or memory can cause an unwitting flush of shame to burn back onto our cheeks. That burning feeling—it’s a warning sign and it’s a vulnerability to be taken care of promptly.
Here’s a formula we will make use of now:
Adjust the body, to adjust the mind, to adjust the spirit.
Stand tall. Stand relaxed. Put the hint of a smile on your face. Rotate your shoulders up, back and down. Press your shoulder blades close to each other. Hold the position for ten seconds. Relax and repeat for a total of ten times. Your chest will naturally expand somewhat and push forward. That’s fine and good. You may feel like a bit of a puffed-up peacock while you hold this position. Well, good for you! It makes for a nice antidote to the hunched, rounded shoulders and hangdog look of the shame-based profile. Let your body posture be your medicine for today…
It feels exhilarating to right now assert proud posture and a smiling self-confidence!