John Du Cane

Spark Your Day

Beauty Is An Attitude

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“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”—Confucius

Every moment we have a choice: create beauty in the world—or besmirch it with ugliness. We can paint things any way we want to—but this can be a tough realization for many of us to buy into. Taking one hundred percent responsibility for our actions and perceptions takes a steady and determined hand. We falter easily enough, in the face of the blizzards of perceived “ugliness” that seem to blow and howl against us with startling intensity and consistency.

Beauty

We can speak beauty. We can perceive beauty. We can manufacture beauty. We can attract beauty. We can share beauty. We can ask for beauty. We can have an attitude of beauty. Or not. The irony of our addiction was that our addiction had its origins so much in the yearning for beauty—through ecstatic experiences, transcendent bliss or a kind of frenzied elation. Over time though, as our addiction grew, the quest for beauty devolved into a desperate attempt to maintain even a semblance of sanity. We were seriously out of control—and beauty quickly got tossed into the backseat as we white-knuckled down the freeway.

In recovery, we learned to restore our sense of the beautiful. To restore it within ourselves, to see it in others. We became less likely to chase beauty down, to try grab it and force it. We kiss beauty as it flies past—without attempting to arrest it and jail it. We found that the less we cursed and swore at life, the more life would respond with a smile.

Today, let’s contemplate a person or situation that we currently recoil from. Can there be a way we can transform the perceived ugliness into something of beauty? Even for a few transformative moments?

Let’s practice this attitude of beauty with this simple process:

Sit quietly. Contemplate the object of your distaste. Put your right hand over your heart area. Inhale and draw this perception into your heart area, softening it and lightening it with a sense of appreciation as you do so. Exhale and send the perception back out—hopefully at least somewhat transformed. Repeat this process about twelve times, or until you feel complete. Watch as the object of your distaste gradually loses its power over you…

I set sail on the high seas of beauty—and my heart opens.

The Strength of the Gentle

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“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.”—Saint Francis de Sales

Life was hard when we were using. Part of why it was hard was the roughness with which we approached almost everything we did. We were rough to others and got roughness back in spades. When gentleness was all we needed, we would shove and bang and bluster and grab. We had little subtlety or delicacy to us. We would muscle our way through situations with scant regard for diplomacy, grace or sensitivity. And, if we ever were gentle, it was usually a phony ploy to soften up our mark before we made our score.

Part of inching into recovery was the revelation that we could often achieve more by a gentle, courteous MO, than we ever managed to pull off in our using days. Harshness, abrasiveness and passive-aggressive posturing surrendered to friendliness, care and supportiveness. And we discovered, to our delight, that such gentleness was reciprocated. Gentleness would shower upon us, just we gave to the world in a gentle manner.

Also to our delight, we discovered that to be gentle did not mean to be weak. Far from it. The more gentle we allowed ourselves to be, the stronger our energy, the stronger our spirit.

Today, let’s reflect on a person with whom we have been less than gentle in the past. Can we now see it in our hearts to make the change—and be gentle where once we were rough?

In the practice of quiet breath, the spirit of the gentle grows—and the blossom opens to the butterfly. We give naturally, we take naturally.

Gentle Butterfly

For today, we will sit and simply count our breaths. Let’s focus on our nostrils as we inhale gently and exhale gently without effort. Just be aware of the breath. A good way to enhance this practice is to count the exhalations as they pass out through your nostrils. Count ten breaths, then begin a new cycle of ten. Do as many cycles as feels wonderful to do.

I embrace the spirit of the gentle—and I feel the quiet strength.

Integrity Lost and Found

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“With integrity, you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt.”—Zig Ziglar

We patted our pockets. We patted them again. We got worried. We turned our pockets inside out. Nope, not a single dime of integrity to be found. We were integrity-bankrupt. Skint, not only in that department, but in the related department of honor. For how can honor survive when integrity has fled the house? For, through the weaseling and the machinations and the skullduggery of our chemical abuse, we had bartered away our higher selves in favor of the low life.

When we entered recovery, we took inventory and were certainly dismayed when we reviewed the status of our integrity and our sense of honor. And it was not as if we could borrow a bunch of integrity to display in pretense, while we labored to accumulate our own for real. We discovered that we had to build our integrity back up using this initially painful formula: make a promise based on our new values—and keep it. Repeat and grow. As we keep our value-based promises, the world recognizes those promises kept—and rewards us slowly with trust and respect.

Lost and Found

Today, let’s reflect on a worthwhile promise we are ready to make and keep. It doesn’t have to be large to be worthwhile, right? In keeping with our gentle program of renewal, we take on what we can manage to take on without counterproductive stress.

It takes guts, often, to tread the path of integrity and honor. But that path leads to a nobility of being we may have lost when we were in the throes of our addiction.

Speaking of guts, then, let’s do a simple but powerful exercise to tone the stomach area. One caveat: if you ate a large meal recently, you may want to wait a while to perform this most excellent move:

Stand with the legs in a hip-width stance. Bend at the knees, so the thighs are at about a forty-five degree angle. Lean your torso forwards, also at approximately a forty-five degree angle. Support your position by placing your palms on your thighs. Take a very deep inhale then exhale with vigor. Hold your breath out while you start to pump your stomach in and out, in and out. Suck your stomach back toward your spine, creating a cave where once there was a mound. Release and repeat, release and repeat.

You may find this very wonderful exercise tough to perform at first. Please do persist! It will be so worth it. We promise! Ten reps is good, twenty reps is better. Consider doing another set or two, if you are up for it.

It’s a relief and a pleasure to enjoys the fruits of making and keeping a worthwhile promise.

Cutting The Ties That Bind

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“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”—Steve Maraboli

It can hurt to cut ties with someone that we were close too—even loved at one time. But now, the relationship has gone south for every reason under the sun. The fruit has rotted beyond saving. Yet we are still holding on, as if the rotten piece of fruit will somehow magically reconstitute itself as fresh and good to eat.

To cling at this point to the decayed relationship can only bring suffering for both partners—the suffering of lies, denial and a general evasion of the truth. So, let’s look at the small immediate hurt of taking an axe to the rope now, rather than extending our bondage into a dis-eased future.

Cutting Ties

Ironically, we often extend decayed relationships because we are being delusionally “nice.” We worry that we are going to needlessly offend or hurt the other person. Better to just let things slide… Perhaps they will just get the hint—and drop off the vine. We came to realize, though, once we entered recovery, that the gentle let down can simply prolong the pain. And other folk are far more resilient than we often give them credit for. A more respectful approach can often be an amicable chopping of the ties that bind.

In our using days we formed all kinds of ill-fated and toxic relationships. These relationships would hang around us like a miasmic cloud. Getting clean has been a process of washing away the root causes of that unfortunate mist. We handle this at the speed that is safe for us to manage without plunging into counterproductive stress. The good news is that the more we act to clean, the more easily the cleansing unfolds.

Let’s take a moment now to contemplate a relationship that may have overstayed its welcome. Are we ready to invite the guest to leave—with grace and no hard feelings?

“Shaking out the spirits” is a good way to prime the release from a toxic relationship.

Here’s what to do:

Stand in a relaxed posture. Close your eyes. Feel your body for a minute, scanning yourself with your attention from top to toe. As the mood takes you, start to shake your hands, then your arms, then your shoulders, then your torso, then your hips then your legs. Let your head gyrate and bobble of its own accord. There’s no right away, just keep shaking and shaking and shaking some more…

Continue for a few minutes, ten minutes, or even longer—until you feel complete.

I feel a lightness of being as I release from the bonds that hold me down.

Love, Naturally

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“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”—Charles M. Schultz

Today, we traditionally celebrate the romance of love. Lovers swap cards, send roses, have special dinners, savor some dark chocolate and reaffirm their affection for each other. That love can be like a faint mist that disappears with the first of the sun’s rays. That love can be as deep as the ocean. That love can be as dry as tinder or as moist as a fig. That love can come unadorned or dressed in regal splendor. It can be wildly immature or seasoned beyond measure. Love can be infused with a heartfelt spirit or it can be hanging by a miserly thread. In other words, love takes as many forms as there are hearts in the world to hold it. And these forms are in constant flux.

The contemplation of romantic love on Valentine’s Day, though, can be bittersweet for those of us in recovery. Valentine’s day is as likely to evoke pain and regret and a sense of loss as it is to inspire happiness and connection. Addiction so often is the great breaker of relationships, the love-destroyer, as it were. In our compulsive, self-centered pursuit of chemical hits, we had little time to spare for the niceties of love and care. To devote energy to another was to waste energy better used in the service of our addiction. Or, so we thought.

When we entered recovery we were encouraged to open ourselves to love, but with a significant caveat. We were asked not to confuse love with our sex drive. Yearning to replace the lost relationship with our chemicals, we could become overly desperate, clingy and wanting in a risky pursuit of sexual satisfaction. Most of us react poorly to being pressured into “love”, as much as we love to love and love to be loved. And when love is forced, we enter volatile territory.

In recovery, we learned to tamp down on the excitement some. We grew our love through kindness and compassion—and did our best to go easy when the laws of attraction exerted their power over us.

Love

So, today, let’s reflect a moment on who and how we love. And we can consider softening into gentle appreciation and gratitude for the love we have been granted to give and receive.

In that spirit of a gentle approach to love, let’s perform this remarkably soothing movement:

Sit or lie in a relaxed posture. Smile with your eyes. Bring your right palm to within about two inches of the center of your chest. Pause and feel your heart area a moment. Now slowly move your right palm across your chest to the left, to the shoulder. In a continuous, slow, smooth movement run your palm down the outside of your arm until it passes over you left fingertips. Pause a moment, the reverse the movement until you palm is back over your mid-chest. Repeat a total of eight or more times. Then switch, so your left palm strokes from your heart area to the tips of your right fingers and back to the heart. This will feel surprisingly relaxing and delicious.

I give myself love and this love emanates back out into the world.