“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”—Charles M. Schultz
Today, we traditionally celebrate the romance of love. Lovers swap cards, send roses, have special dinners, savor some dark chocolate and reaffirm their affection for each other. That love can be like a faint mist that disappears with the first of the sun’s rays. That love can be as deep as the ocean. That love can be as dry as tinder or as moist as a fig. That love can come unadorned or dressed in regal splendor. It can be wildly immature or seasoned beyond measure. Love can be infused with a heartfelt spirit or it can be hanging by a miserly thread. In other words, love takes as many forms as there are hearts in the world to hold it. And these forms are in constant flux.
The contemplation of romantic love on Valentine’s Day, though, can be bittersweet for those of us in recovery. Valentine’s day is as likely to evoke pain and regret and a sense of loss as it is to inspire happiness and connection. Addiction so often is the great breaker of relationships, the love-destroyer, as it were. In our compulsive, self-centered pursuit of chemical hits, we had little time to spare for the niceties of love and care. To devote energy to another was to waste energy better used in the service of our addiction. Or, so we thought.
When we entered recovery we were encouraged to open ourselves to love, but with a significant caveat. We were asked not to confuse love with our sex drive. Yearning to replace the lost relationship with our chemicals, we could become overly desperate, clingy and wanting in a risky pursuit of sexual satisfaction. Most of us react poorly to being pressured into “love”, as much as we love to love and love to be loved. And when love is forced, we enter volatile territory.
In recovery, we learned to tamp down on the excitement some. We grew our love through kindness and compassion—and did our best to go easy when the laws of attraction exerted their power over us.
So, today, let’s reflect a moment on who and how we love. And we can consider softening into gentle appreciation and gratitude for the love we have been granted to give and receive.
In that spirit of a gentle approach to love, let’s perform this remarkably soothing movement:
Sit or lie in a relaxed posture. Smile with your eyes. Bring your right palm to within about two inches of the center of your chest. Pause and feel your heart area a moment. Now slowly move your right palm across your chest to the left, to the shoulder. In a continuous, slow, smooth movement run your palm down the outside of your arm until it passes over you left fingertips. Pause a moment, the reverse the movement until you palm is back over your mid-chest. Repeat a total of eight or more times. Then switch, so your left palm strokes from your heart area to the tips of your right fingers and back to the heart. This will feel surprisingly relaxing and delicious.
I give myself love and this love emanates back out into the world.
