“Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.”—Thomas Wolfe
The popular acronym HALT stands for four important vulnerabilities to guard against: Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tiredness. Loneliness is red-flagged in recovery, because it can lead us into fragile territory—despair, depression, a sense of worthlessness and of hopelessness. Today, let’s look at loneliness and how we can be that much better prepared to respond when the iron cage descends upon us…
When we used, our principal relationship was with our chemical of choice. Our white knuckles might be gripping the bars of our cage, but our drugs helped numb the hollow pain within us. However, our drugs finally became fickle in their friendship, did they not?
Perhaps the money ran out—and the apparent support went gurgling down the drain, with not a backward glance. Or the drug of choice grabbed us by the throat and became increasingly abusive in its demands. Our best friend became our best fiend. The protective, numbing, blocking sheath was ripped from our skin—and we cried out as the loneliness ran raw and exposed…
When we entered the fellowship of recovery, we discovered that there was an available salve for that rawness—the salve of like-minded companions who’d suffered in a similar manner and found solace together in sharing their stories. We realized we weren’t, after all, the shipwrecked solitaries we fancied ourselves for… Rather, we had a place in the circle on the beach of friendship. Together, we could watch the flames of the bonfire and celebrate our rescue. And dance around that fire, perhaps, to express the joy of our newfound serenity.
Let’s recognize that we can be alone while still connected in spirit to others. When we feel the pangs of loneliness coming upon us, we have the choice, right now, to reach out, share ourselves, listen and reconnect. And we can tell both ourselves and others that this loneliness is just a passing thing—a reminder not to take for granted the delicate web of friendship that keeps us sane in a sometimes-challenging world.
For our movement today, let’s dance to the beat of our friendships. Over time, that beat has become tribal and somewhat hypnotic, reassuring us with its steady rhythms that we are part of a greater whole…
Alone or with friends, engage in a few minutes of spontaneous movement. Stand still for a few moments, feeling your body. Then start gently moving around as the mood takes you. Let it happen in whatever way it wants to show up. The body knows what it wants to do—all you have to do is get out of its way and let it celebrate…
I dance with ease and grace, as I celebrate the healing power of friendship.