“The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science.”—Albert Einstein
Are you mysterious? Are you secretive? Are you private? Truth be told, most of us are a mix. But some of us carry one or more of these conditions to an extreme of either excess or dearth. Both extremes can be costly to our well-being. So, let’s explore the pros and cons of mystery, secrecy and privacy—and how they relate to the dynamics of recovery.
We hanker to be recognized and appreciated for who we are and what we’ve done. Mystery can be the great gilder of the attention-gold. Secrecy can protect us but can backfire as we get labelled furtive, untrustworthy and suspect. Privacy sets the boundaries for our public representation—the spin doctor for the story we want the world to hear.
We can’t be helped if we don’t ask—and we can’t ask unless we reveal. No reveal, no ask, no help. In recovery, asking for help is crucial. So, in recovery we need to protect our vulnerabilities, yet be prepared to be treated for a festering wound. Recognize the sickness—and ask help of the healer. Trust the healer and let the wound begin its healing.
We wouldn’t want the flowerbed of our sensitive spirit to be easily trampled—thus we build barriers around that bed. But the private beauty may be the less in its allure—for the want of its sharing. Again, we need to balance our shifting needs for protective privacy and the healing power of feedback…
None of us want to be considered boring. We avoid being a bore by cultivating a climate of mystery around ourselves. Yet, too much effort at mystery can paralyze our expressive growth. We become so cool in our mysteriousness, that we become fearful of acting or being at all in the public view.
In our days of addiction, the furtive shawl of secrecy tended to be our favored dress. We hid stuff even when there was no apparent reason to hide. We hid by second nature. To hide was to glide—past the inquisitive, beady-eyed threats to our drunk, our stone, our high… We eluded and eluded, so we could suck yet again at the mouth of the bottle, welcome yet again the needle as it pierced our flesh, savor yet again the smoke from the burning blunt, snort up yet again the glistening crystals on the dirty mirror.
In the stresses of addiction, we ran our sensitivities and sensibilities into the ground. We lost touch with the natural mystery of life as it unfolds in all its wonder. Instead of engaging with the complexities of the mystery, we copped out and gave our game away to the scrubs and benchwarmers of our being. The dance of recovery is always the dance of balance—and balance is an ever-shifting target by its nature.
The more we can attain balance in the realms of the mysterious, the private and the secret, the healthier we can be. And the more resilient in our recovery. It is the willingness to respond to the ever-changing shifts that will help us grow in discrimination and wisdom.
Let’s complement our meditation on balance with movement that challenges our physical balance:
Stand relaxed with the heels close together, feet facing out at a 45-degree angle. Place the hands, palms up, a few inches away from your stomach. Circle both arms up above your head, spiraling the palms so they end up facing away from you. As you perform this upward circling movement of your arms, raise your left knee until it is at hip height. Pause momentarily, balancing on the right leg. Circle your arms down out and around until they arrive back at the starting point. As you lower your arms, bring the left leg back to the floor. Complete this set by raising your right knee up and balancing on your left leg, as your circle your arms above your head and back down. Inhale on the upward movement, exhale on the downward movement. Keep it slow and smooth. Repeat for a total of ten sets.
I celebrate the beauty and the mystery of life as I balance this way and that, this way and that…