“Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.”—Henry David Thoreau
There’s a much-loved line in an old French song by Edith Piaf: “Je ne regrettte rien”, or, in English “I regret nothing”. While this is a laudable sentiment, it begs a bigger picture—particularly for those of us in recovery. For regret can be the very stuff of healing. The sociopath may feel no regret for his actions—because he is simply incapable of feeling. To regret is to acknowledge an error—to learn from it and to commit to a wiser path in the future. No regrets—perhaps, no lesson learned, no wisdom gained?
Like so many emotions in recovery, regret is a feeling to be handled with kid gloves. Moderation is everything. We balance between the need to acknowledge our mistakes and the compulsion to wallow in self-recrimination. Too much handwringing can lead us to the edge of relapse. Too little courage to face our faults and too little determination to make course corrections, can crimp the progress of our recovery. We step with care on the jungle path, alert, paying attention to the signals and responding appropriately…
Welcome then, to the notion of “positive regret.” Let’s take a minute to identify some serious mistake we made in the past. A mistake whose memory still snaps at our heels, dogging us with unease. Let’s take a minute to see the mistake for what it was: a mistake. Note the lesson—and what we’re going to do different next time round. Watch that mistake as it floats away downstream and now forever out of sight… Excellent! What a relief!
The ancient art of letting go came to our rescue once again. The ancient art is good that way: always ready to give a helping hand if we only just ask!
Here’s a movement to smile with, as you practice your positive regret:
Stand or sit with good posture, shoulders relaxed. Tilt your head back so you are looking up at the ceiling. Stay comfortable in the movement. Then, bring your chin as close to your chest as you can manage—without moving any other part of your body. Inhale up, exhale down. Do ten or more repetitions. By the way, this movement is superbly healing when it done on a regular basis. Consider doing it every day…
I feel complete as I acknowledge, learn from and let go of an old regret.