John Du Cane

relaxation

Hypocrisy

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“Hypocrisy is the art of affecting qualities for the purpose of pretending to an undeserved virtue. Because individuals and institutions and societies most often live down to the suspicions about them, hypocrisy and its accompanying equivocations underpin the conduct of life. Imagine how frightful truth unvarnished would be.”— Benjamin F. Martin

Many of us have been two-faced in our lives—but those of us who succumbed to addiction elevated being two-faced to a high art form. We wheeled and dealed behind our shifting masks in a dizzying display of duplicity that had even the most seasoned con men shaking their heads. We were the great pretenders on the stage, acting out virtues that we did not have rightful claim to. We were the great deceivers, ever-ready to mimic to the gullible what we believed they wanted to hear. We did not mean what we said—and we never said what we meant. We were the hypocrites—holding truth hostage to the demands of our addiction.

Hypocrisy 600

Yes, in our using days, weren’t we just so slick and smug—as we oiled our way from one shady transaction to another? Finally though, we found ourselves in a hall of cracked mirrors, pursued and mocked by demons that were the shades of our various pretenses. Our game faltered and fell apart… Our hypocrisies began to unravel. Our souls split apart. We were exposed. Now came the catcalls and the boos and the shame-mongering, as we were driven from the stage. Our world had cracked. And only a radical decision to seek help could restore us to sanity. We accepted that help and we began our recovery.

And we came to see—as we progressed in our recovery—that hypocrisy had no place in a healthy program. We decided to preach only what we could practice—and we practiced so the practice could allow us to preach more boldly… This way lay wisdom, lay peace, lay serenity, lay the simple pleasure that comes from aligning our words with our actions. And the beauty too, was how much less effort it took to be true to ourselves…

Today, let’s reflect for a few moments on the extent to which we are well aligned in how we present to the world. Might there still, perhaps, be some lurking hypocrisy that could be shown the door? All good then, all good…

We can be out of alignment physically as much as spiritually, of course. Serious physical mis-alignment can benefit from skilled bodywork, but there can be simple, effective ways for us to adjust ourselves. And when we adjust ourselves physically, there is often a carry-over into an emotional-spiritual re-alignment. Here’s what we’ll do today:

Sit, if you are not already sitting. If you just sat down or up—or you were already seated—notice every element of your current posture, before you change anything. Are you slumped over, spine bent? Is your head hanging forward on your protesting neck? Are your shoulders hunched? Is one shoulder higher than another? Are you clenching your jaw? Squinting?

You get the picture… Now, start straightening up— relaxing and rebalancing whatever is obviously tight or out of whack. Once you have completed your re-posturing, put a light smile on your face, close your eyes and simply be with your new alignment. Breathe gently. Rest in yourself for a while. When you feel complete, open your eyes and move on with your day.

I am aligned and appreciate the peace that descends upon me from the feeling of being true to who I really am, right now, this minute.

Love, Naturally

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“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”—Charles M. Schultz

Today, we traditionally celebrate the romance of love. Lovers swap cards, send roses, have special dinners, savor some dark chocolate and reaffirm their affection for each other. That love can be like a faint mist that disappears with the first of the sun’s rays. That love can be as deep as the ocean. That love can be as dry as tinder or as moist as a fig. That love can come unadorned or dressed in regal splendor. It can be wildly immature or seasoned beyond measure. Love can be infused with a heartfelt spirit or it can be hanging by a miserly thread. In other words, love takes as many forms as there are hearts in the world to hold it. And these forms are in constant flux.

The contemplation of romantic love on Valentine’s Day, though, can be bittersweet for those of us in recovery. Valentine’s day is as likely to evoke pain and regret and a sense of loss as it is to inspire happiness and connection. Addiction so often is the great breaker of relationships, the love-destroyer, as it were. In our compulsive, self-centered pursuit of chemical hits, we had little time to spare for the niceties of love and care. To devote energy to another was to waste energy better used in the service of our addiction. Or, so we thought.

When we entered recovery we were encouraged to open ourselves to love, but with a significant caveat. We were asked not to confuse love with our sex drive. Yearning to replace the lost relationship with our chemicals, we could become overly desperate, clingy and wanting in a risky pursuit of sexual satisfaction. Most of us react poorly to being pressured into “love”, as much as we love to love and love to be loved. And when love is forced, we enter volatile territory.

In recovery, we learned to tamp down on the excitement some. We grew our love through kindness and compassion—and did our best to go easy when the laws of attraction exerted their power over us.

Love

So, today, let’s reflect a moment on who and how we love. And we can consider softening into gentle appreciation and gratitude for the love we have been granted to give and receive.

In that spirit of a gentle approach to love, let’s perform this remarkably soothing movement:

Sit or lie in a relaxed posture. Smile with your eyes. Bring your right palm to within about two inches of the center of your chest. Pause and feel your heart area a moment. Now slowly move your right palm across your chest to the left, to the shoulder. In a continuous, slow, smooth movement run your palm down the outside of your arm until it passes over you left fingertips. Pause a moment, the reverse the movement until you palm is back over your mid-chest. Repeat a total of eight or more times. Then switch, so your left palm strokes from your heart area to the tips of your right fingers and back to the heart. This will feel surprisingly relaxing and delicious.

I give myself love and this love emanates back out into the world.

The Death of Fun

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“Contemplate for a moment the possibility of living without the constant need to be entertained, to be satisfied, to be pampered, to be stimulated, or to be in a state of perpetual bliss.”—Wee Peng Ho

Can we have fun without being drugged up? To some folk, that might seem like a silly question. But to those of us self-declared addicts and alcoholics, the question was all too loaded. Was it really possible to have fun without being blitzed out of our noodles? It seemed incomprehensible to us that fun could be had without some sort of chemical stimulation to fire it up. No drugs, no sizzle, no fun, we thought. The sizzle would fizzle when the stash ran out.

Once upon a time, when the dose on the label said one teaspoon, we would add at least one zero and pour ourselves a glassful. If the indication was one cap per day, we would spill six caps into our palm and gulp them down. And if not enough fun happened within half an hour we would reach back and amp the dose a second time. Hey—as addict-wisdom had it—if one’s good, then ten has got to be a whole lot better, right? This would be too funny, if it wasn’t so true… But we were the little child—who hugged the rearing predator, oblivious to the risk…

Fun

Eventually, of course, the hungry lion roared and pounced. Some of us died outright. Some of us were terribly mauled, dragged to safety by our friends. Others of us escaped with some slashes and gashes—just enough to wake and shake us up. We, the wounded, entered recovery. Slowly we healed. But where, oh where, had all the fun gone? The cravings would be slow to subside. We begged to be relieved somehow, someway… It was a dicey time, was it not?

The discovery, it turned out, was that fun could still indeed be had—if we would only stop chasing so hard to grab it. There were safe places with safe people we could hang with. Slowly, we let fun seep into our bones without pushing for more and more and more. The nice surprise was that the more we relaxed out of neediness, the more fun could join us in our lives.

Here’s a very simple, pleasurable way to feel delicious quickly, without having to be aggressive about it (works like a charm):

Stand in a relaxed posture, with your arms by your sides. Close your eyes. Circle your arms up in a wide embracing movement, until your palms are facing your forehead. Keep the shoulders down and relaxed, elbows down. Inhale as you bring your palms toward your forehead, until they are a couple of inches away. Use your attention to bring the energy gently into your forehead. Rotate your palms so they are facing away from your forehead at about a forty-five degree angle. Exhale as you move your palms away from your forehead. Turn your palms towards your forehead and repeat.

When your palms come close to your forehead on the third iteration, turn the palms to face the floor and move them to mid-chest level. Inhale without any physical movement. On the exhale, rotate the palms to face out at a forty-five degree angle and move the palms away from the chest. Rotate your palms to face your chest and as you inhale bring the palms and energy toward the center of the chest. Repeat another two times.

When your palms come close to your mid-chest on the third iteration, turn the palms to face the floor and move them to stomach level. Inhale without any physical movement. On the exhale, rotate the palms to face out at a forty-five degree angle and move the palms away from the stomach. Rotate your palms to face your stomach and as you inhale bring the palms and energy toward the center of the stomach. Repeat another two times.

You have completed one cycle now. Complete as many cycles as you care to.

I relax out of neediness today and enjoy the gentle tranquility of feeling complete as I am right now.

Disappointment

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“How disappointment tracks the steps of hope”—Letitia Elizabeth Landon

We step our way through the world with hope, on hope, on hope. As one hope falters and falls, the next hope gathers itself, strides out—then stumbles to its knees. Never mind: the next hope is already born and bracing itself to step over its fallen comrades. Or, so it may certainly have seemed, when we slogged our way through the trials and tribulations of addiction. Our life seemed one long cascade of hopes that were dashed to bits on the reefs of disappointment.

Disappointment

To safeguard our recovery, we can use a simple technique to reframe the disappointments that follow our broken hopes and expectations. We can simply let go of the expectation. That hope has served its purpose. It gave us energy for a while. But now, the shattered hope is mere debris. We need to move on. Let go. And paddle out into the new flow. Let’s float on the swell, rather than fight a rip-tide. We can ride the highpoints and the low points with equal equanimity.

The power of hope is to push us forward, to excite us, to keep us motivated. But by its very nature, hope has a short shelf life. We restock hope as fast as the cans fly off the shelves… The trick for those of us in recovery who wish to retain our sanity, is to modulate the excitement that is hope’s companion. Too much excitement, too fast—with too rapid a fizzle after the fact—is a risky way to conduct ourselves in recovery. Nice to get fired up, but let’s turn down the burners to a simmer, so we can hang in for the long haul…

Today, let’s practice a calming movement that can help us regain our peace of mind after a temporary tumble into disappointment:

Stand with your heels together, feet angled out at 45 degrees, knees slightly bent. Hold the hands at groin level just off the body, palms facing up, in a cup-like position. Inhale as you slowly raise your palms to upper chest level, exhale as you lower your hands back to your starting position.

Further enhance the movement of breath and energy by placing your attention initially at the base of your spine, then running it up to the top of your head on the inhale. On the exhale, run your attention down the front of your body to just below your navel. Do 10 or more repetitions.

I feel calm, energized and relaxed all at the same time—a wonderful combination!

Let Go and Let Health

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“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”—Buddha

It’s odd isn’t it, how often we can be reluctant to relax and let go of our pain? It seems we sometimes feel safer with the dis-ease we know than the ease we don’t. We sometimes cling to the familiar just because it IS familiar, however risky it may be to do so…

In these early days of the New Year, we can encourage ourselves to be bold and to let go of what may be holding us back in our quest for a healthier, stronger recovery. To use a technical term here, we may be holding on to “lurking crud”. Lurking crud has an emotional component but here we are referring to all those toxins silting up our tissues. The body’s primary janitor for cleansing crud from our system is called the lymph system.

Lymphatic System Diagram

When we don’t move or breathe well—and as we age—the lymph system fails to do a competent job, becoming more and more sluggish. However, the good news is that by simply breathing in a certain manner, we can re-energize that lazy janitor and get him back into action.

Here’s all you have to do right now to let go and let some health happen:

While standing, place both hands on your stomach just below your navel and put your attention in the same area. Gently inhale into the stomach and feel the stomach inflating under your hands. As you exhale feel the stomach subside of its own accord. Do 10 to 30 repetitions.

Notice, perhaps, the rather delicious feeling of relaxation? That’s another wonderful benefit of an energized lymph system—it induces an automatic relaxation response…

It is feeling so good to shake up my sleepy janitor—and to let go of my lurking crud!