John Du Cane

shoulders

For The Love of Discipline

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“Discipline imposed from the outside eventually defeats when it is not matched by desire from within.”—Dawson Trotman

Discipline is a difficult word for most of us, because it has such a peculiar history. While discipline originally meant “to absorb knowledge”, its cultural baggage was weighted by three strong traditions.

First, in medieval times, discipline was frequently associated with self-scourging as a method of self-knowledge—beat yourself, to know yourself better.

Second, historically, the military has enforced learning through the “punishment of discipline.” Only by pain, shall ye learn!

Then, there’s the pedagogical and parental correlation of “disciplining the child” with “punishing the child.” Again, the implication is that only by some form of brutal coercion, will learning happen. Spare the rod, spoil the child…

So, let’s face it, it can be hard for us to approach the concept of discipline always with the love it may deserve. Those of  us in recovery, in particular, are in recovery not only from chemical abuse, but from the abuse of those who had power over us.

We would often react by rebelling against the strictures of the bullying authority. However, in the rebelling, we sometimes merely enforced the abuser’s power over us—while throwing our own lives into further shambles. We would use and abuse out of defiance. We would be deliberately undisciplined in reaction to the forced labor imposed on us by our parents, teachers, jailors, pimps, sergeant-majors, priests, police and assorted other authority figures. We ended up running afoul of our own selves—isolated, broken, fragmented, despairing.

Fortunately, in recovery we learned to strip away the punitive associations of discipline to appreciate the beauty of well-practiced discipline. We joined forces with others, because together we could achieve in friendly cooperation what had eluded us as individuals. We found joy in the discipline of a task accomplished together. For recovery is always finally a team effort, a fellowship of mutual commitment.

Discipline Alexander Piragis / Shutterstock.com
Alexander Piragis / Shutterstock.com

To fall in love with discipline, is to make an internal commitment to its worth. We have to see the point—and we have to want the outcome. We have to believe that there is salvation to be had from the consistent, determined, organized effort that it takes to triumph over any challenge. Discipline is always about sacrifice—small or large. We sacrifice our scatteredness in favor of a focused goal. We seek help, we link with others, we offer our services, we work together. With this attitude, in a fellowship of support, we can let go of discipline as punishment and embrace discipline as the creation of beauty.

Today, let’s “square our shoulders”, as a physical way to affirm our determination to face-up to discipline—and make it a joy, not a chore…

Stand with feet at shoulder-width, arms resting by your sides and your butt tucked gently forward. Circle your shoulders up, forwards, down and backwards, making a full 360-degree rotation. Repeat in the opposite direction. Do up to 20 repetitions in both directions.

Next, pull your shoulders back and down, bringing your shoulder blades together as close as possible. Keep the chest area as relaxed as possible. Tighten the muscles in the upper back and hold for five seconds. Relax. Repeat five to ten times. A

I welcome the serenity that discipline brings to my spirit.

Shame—And the Crisis of Being

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“Shame is a soul-eating emotion.”—C. J. Jung

We feel guilty when we have done something we know is wrong. We crossed the line. We transgressed. Guilt can be the helpful signaling system that pushes us to correct the errors of our ways. Guilt can lubricate social friction and is beneficial in moderation—like most of the edgier emotions. Guilt is a good self-corrective course setter, to help us navigate our commitments in a responsible manner.

Shame, though, is another kettle of fish altogether… Shame strikes at the core of our being. It lessens us, derides us and would that we were dead. And shame brings out the worst in the bully, the predator and those who would bay with the hounds of the witch hunt. Shame can be enormously destructive. Enormously. There’s clearly a species-survival mechanism in place here—with a signal that warns us that we are “bad” to the core. “If you go on being this kind of a person, you endanger our tribe. Shape up or we’ll ship you out.” However, the cost-benefit ratio of this survival mechanism looks horribly skewed in practice, does it not?

Shame

Those of us in recovery are all too aware of shame’s power. After all, shame took the mother of all wrecking balls to our self-esteem, our dignity—our very essence. Some of us became not much more than shallow specters of our former selves, haunted by self-loathing and despair. We allowed shame to saturate our interior landscape—often freezing us into inaction for fear of being further shamed…

In recovery, we learned that the disease of our addiction had instigated much of our shame-causing insanities. We learned to take responsibility for our past aberrations, without wallowing in the associated shame-orama. As we stitched up the rags of our tattered psyches, we learned to be gentler and more forgiving of ourselves.

Sometimes, though, some event, thought, remark, slight, or memory can cause an unwitting flush of shame to burn back onto our cheeks. That burning feeling—it’s a warning sign and it’s a vulnerability to be taken care of promptly.

Here’s a formula we will make use of now:

Adjust the body, to adjust the mind, to adjust the spirit.

Stand tall. Stand relaxed. Put the hint of a smile on your face. Rotate your shoulders up, back and down. Press your shoulder blades close to each other. Hold the position for ten seconds. Relax and repeat for a total of ten times. Your chest will naturally expand somewhat and push forward. That’s fine and good. You may feel like a bit of a puffed-up peacock while you hold this position. Well, good for you! It makes for a nice antidote to the hunched, rounded shoulders and hangdog look of the shame-based profile. Let your body posture be your medicine for today…

It feels exhilarating to right now assert proud posture and a smiling self-confidence!