“When it comes to controlling human beings, there is no better instrument than lies. Because you see, humans live by beliefs. And beliefs can be manipulated.”—Michael Ende
Most of us would agree that one of the most unpleasant feelings we can have is the feeling of being manipulated—taken for a chump, disrespected, deceived with charm and cunning. We feel soiled. We feel soiled because we are manipulated by what we most believe in—what we hold precious and dear to our hearts. The more powerfully we believe, the more powerfully we can be manipulated by a play on those beliefs. Yes, sure, we can be manipulated through our baser impulses—such as greed—but what hurts most is the betrayal of our trust, the crucifixion of our dreams…
In our using days, we took graduate courses in lying, cheating and manipulation. Getting what we wanted at others’ expense defined our MO. We figured if we just lied long enough and hard enough our lies would become the truth. We could assert with utter conviction that a banana was actually a sausage. Not only would we come to believe ourselves that a banana was not a banana, but a sausage—we would watch as others ate the banana and declared it to be the most wonderful-tasting sausage in the world. Hey, mission accomplished!
Fortunately, in recovery we revere honesty as a core and necessary virtue, to ensure we remain resilient in our program. The more we can get used to facing life without feeling the need to manipulate and deceive, the better chance we have to be serene and at peace. Lying, by its nature, weakens the links in the chain of our well-being. And the weaker any link, the weaker the overall program. Break a link completely and we enter dangerous territory…
Of course, old habits die hard—and “constant vigilance” is the catchphrase when it comes to manipulation. We self-correct when we see ourselves start to manipulate—and we call out others who would manipulate us. It’s an ongoing tango of respectful adjustment at its best. But left too long to fester, and we’ll find ourselves in a scrum, elbows out, kicking, pushing and shoving. And for those of us in recovery, the scrum is not a good place to hang out…
Today, let’s reflect on our progress with manipulation. How are we doing? Could there be a beneficial course correction we could make today—that would ease our lot and the lot of others?
Manipulation derives from “handwork”, so for today’s movement, let’s work those hands:
Stand or sit with good posture. Extend your forearms in front of and at right angles to your torso, with your elbows resting gently on your stomach. Circle your hands at the wrist joints making a full 360-degree rotation. One hand will be rotating clockwise, the other counter-clockwise. Reverse directions. Now, pull your hands up and back, moving only from the wrist joint. Then, bend the palms downwards, again only moving from the wrist. Do 24 to 36 rotations for each movement.
I liberate myself from the spider’s web of manipulative thinking—and enjoy the sense of ease this brings me.